i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
