true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
