so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
