it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
