the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
