my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just blew my weed a kiss
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I forget how to act sober
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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