I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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