why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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