Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
