He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
