watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
