Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize