sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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