Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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