It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
