I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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