rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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