her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
