You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fill condoms, not promises.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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