i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
