things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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