just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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