the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
accomplished twins. life is a go
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
