Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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