He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
