I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
