Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
