That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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