Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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