If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize