bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
