He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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