i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
