So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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