Please, let me fuck your mom
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She bit a glass in half.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
