I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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