You're so nebulous sometimes
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
