her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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