She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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