I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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