Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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