it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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