you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
