the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
