I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
