it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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