i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
