Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
