I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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