it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
