part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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