its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
