Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
