Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
