I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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