She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
