the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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