I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
