I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
