I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
