I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
