the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He felt like a one man threesome
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
