My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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