Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A bitchslap is in order.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
