I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
