Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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