OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bring me that man meat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
