Buhtt sex?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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