Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
