6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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