Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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