I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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