Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
